Its hard to become who you’re meant to be. It’s even harder to know what that journey holds in store for you…and more difficult when that journey comes knocking on your door like a debt collector hungry for the truth. It’s comforting to know you can’t escape, yet it also makes things seem big and hard to understand. If the answer lays in front of me, why is it so hard to see? The question is an answer, and the answer is a question.
I see through so many things, but things that don’t belong to me…things that aren’t meant to be revealed to those learning them. Does the same go for me? My problems seem so obvious to others, yet the sun burns away any chance for me to grasp whats right there. The touch of the sun singes my fingertips, but underneath the burnt shell is the glowing underneath, the truth I’ve been to afraid to accept for awhile now. I think I’ve always known the answer, I’ve just been too stubborn to accept it. Sometimes things are meant to be hidden, atleast until the key comes in the form of your own shadow.Whispers of the night and a golden dawn,arising tide of a new era promises greatness.
So do I stand like a soldier and bow to the sun, honoring whats always been mine? Or do I turn away from the blinding bright and keep my head down in the pig-pen? The answer is so, so obvious. Is fear really powerful enough to keep me from what I was born to do? Who I agreed to become? What I hear on the other side? I can’t keep carrying my corpse around with me- a dead body will only weigh you down, afterall! A corpse that shouldve been buried back in 2014, an emotion that caused tears to flow from a sealed casket. It doesnt matter anymore. Caskets are for the dead, not the living.
Letting go of that alter ego. Letting my shadow self dissipate in the cold morning air, when the magic of night is still slinking into the shadows of what remains of the night, when mystical objects can be seen behind puffy clouds- answers of a future threatened by the pain of the past, and the longing of a distant timeline. Breaking barriers like the berenstain bears conspiracy breaking the continuity of an age long past. How can 10 years feel like one?
Fast footsteps lead me, frantically into a crowded dusty room. Items pepper the dirty shelves, rarely touched in millenia. The grime is so thick its hard to make out whats actually in the room, but some of the items seem familiar. Knick knacks from my childhood home, pictures from when I was a toddler, a baby blanket in raggedy shape. I feel a draw to these items, a connection that I can’t explain. Something so…primal. Like a hamster running into his burrow for protection. A hamster with a hoarding problem. Why is comfort so…comfortable? What do these items do except hold me into the past? I tire of the same.
Raining from the sky is ash. I look up, and now the suns coming up. Cedar trees reach up, as if celebrating my success. I fall down into my body, and open my eyes wide. Breathing is hard to do in this new shape, the form is unfamiliar. Who am I really? What was I trying to prove as this fragmented, empty self? Something is itching. And buzzing. And…melting? My eyes search for an answer, but the answer I want to see isnt the one that belongs to me. Light shines under my feet. The ceiling is crumbling and the fire is catching up to me. The surface isnt what is needed, its whats hidden. Underneath this fake persona is the truth. The truth is I want to be seen, to be needed. I want to be apart of whats bigger than me. No wonder vampires are so lonely. Although I can’t float, so thats not entirely fair. Atleast not yet…
Slip away from what you think you know and return to what you left behind, because of what you passed is what you failed and what you failed is what you must regret to love. Anger is sorrow and sorrow is important. Love is nothing to regret, and pain is nothing to shy from. Pain is growth and growth is vital. You didn’t come this far to just turn back, to shy away from your destiny. Destiny is what makes us who we are! Fear has no place in God. There is a place for me and a place for you, so please take my hand and we can make it over this hurdle. It’s time to be you. The pain is the illusion.
A bit of a rambly post, but thought I’d add these more artsy fartsy posts in between the more helpful ones. I felt a bit inspired as well. I like to give yall some tasty variety. Enjoy! If you want more post like this, then you are in luck! I’ll categorize these under “magic rambles”.
Music digested during this writing process: Temples- Full album (youtube)
Another delicious post: No Turning Back 🌌
Really cute puppy: adorable puppy