If theres anything I’ve learned from my absence, its that you truly can’t run from fate. (see what I did there? 😉 It’s been too long, and I apologize! I look back on my writing and think, “Wow, did I really write that?” It’s just so foreign sounding compared to the image that’s been put in my head of myself and my abilities. I struggle with self worth, you see. I shrink myself down for others, give them the abridged version. I seek for myself in so many other people, when the answer is the person who I’ve been hiding.
That person deserves to be set free. And they deserve a hell of a lot more than what I’ve been giving them. I’ve done this faking, this mirroring -this circle- for so long, that I’ve had to rediscover myself. What I love, what I hate, the music I like and the outfits I wear. Belief systems, the words used to talk, pursuits and hobbies…all of it is thrown into review. I realize all of my magic has been pushed out to make way for darkness and negative thought patterns, old dirty lies that have spread generations deep.
I’ve always had to shrink myself for others. When you get punished for your true identity it becomes a coping mechanism. But oh, how lovely to end lifetimes of suffering. Children yet to exist will never experience this. That in itself is worthy of change. I deserve more. I am more. And if you have to dull your shine, you deserve more too. Rediscovery. Out with it. Show us your true colors. Stop hiding your divinity. We believe in you.
(if you would like image credit or know the source of the image let me know!)